Have you ever done something so cringe-worthy that you build a dark house of shame & sit in it for weeks, months, maybe even years??
Yea, me too. I know many people that get stuck in their house of shame. Some of them never make it out alive. I know people that have passed away because they did not have the skills/healthy tools to capacitate the intensity of their shame. I think shame is one of the hardest emotions to move through.
When I do something out of alignment with my values, shame sears my insides and guilt gurgles in my gut. It is physically painful when I stumble out of integrity.
When we make hurtful choices, when we display behaviors disconnected from our character (as all humans do) how do get back to the truth of who we are?
Here’s my list of reminders & tips that help me step out of that dark house of shame:
This too shall pass. The intensity of the feelings won’t last. Meditate on Impermanence...it is a Grace.
Everything is expanding you towards love. How can this experience be used to love more?
Journal. Write everything. Bleed onto the paper.
Cry & Breathe. I follow my sob sessions w/ breathing exercises.
Rest, eat well, & move. Yoga, run, swim, whatever... just move.
If apologies are owed, pay them. Sometimes, I offer my apologies through Ho’pono’ono. An ancient practice using the phrases, “I’m sorry, please forgive me, I love you, thank you.” I’ll spend 20 mins mediating directing these phrases to anyone that may have been hit by the debris of my actions. Once the apologies are made-let it go. Whether someone accepts your apology is on them. And then- forgive yourself.
Read a book about life. Skip the novel & go for that book on existence. Choose a book that will remind you how small & magical we are at the same time.
“Mistakes” are mandatory for growth. Let time soothe the ache, trust the process, & let it teach you.
Be gentle with yourself and your learning.
Thoughts of unworthiness are lies. Do not listen. You are not here to be perfect. You are here to be human.
Surround yourself with people who see beyond your trivial flaws and know you for the love at the core of your being.
One hand to your heart, one hand open to receive and remember-You are SO loved. Repeat it till you believe it.
Seek therapy if needed. There is NO shame in asking for help.